Guestblog: My Penetrating Insights into the Mysteries of Life

Taken from an email I received commenting on my recent reprieve from facebook:

I was searching for your Facebook.com site and couldn't find it. This could only be for a few reasons:

1) [deleted]
2) You were being stalked by a Facebook.com-lover
3) You were caught stalking someone else
4) You decided to focus all your "energies" on the blog that I still don't know about
5) Your roommate told you that you can only have a facebook.com site on the even-numbered months
6) Your computer broke and since you couldn't see your profile every 15 min., you asked your sister to delete your site because it wasn't going to be worth it if you couldn't be properly addicted
7) You added the "smell-application" and couldn't get your computer to stop smelling like your friends (needless to say, your friends don't shower "all that much")
8) Your roommate deleted your site
9) You decided that it didn't aesthetically accord with your cigarette holder (I mean, really, who could simultaneously have a cigarette holder and a Facebook.com site... Would Audrey Hepburn have a Facebook.com site?)
10) Your priest told you that it was in accordance with Vatican II, but that still didn't mean it was good for your health (according to the latest social studies released by the Vatican Council's document "Things that cannot Properly be Studied " (TPS reports)
11) Hegel would have had one
12) Kant thought it disobeyed the categorical imperative
13) TS Eliot thought it was narcissistic
14) TS Eliot was narcissistic
15) You were thinking about Camus' saying, "the most important question in philosophy is whether or not to commit suicide," answered in the negative, and decided to put this in the so-called 'concrete' realm by deleting your Facebook.com site
16) You were thinking about the second-half to Camus's saying (i.e., the most important question in political philosophy is whether or not to get out of bed) and decided that the next best thing was to delete your Facebook.com site
17) TS Eliot rejected you as a friend
18) You didn't think the form matched the content. I mean, how could your life be adequately expressed in such a medium?
19) Your sister told you that it was "gay" to have one at Oxford
20) You wanted to have only those so-called "artificial" friends that you can "contract" at the mall. You now no-longer speak to anyone except those whom you have met at the mall. Plus, you were worried about the pending difficulties when Facebook.com releases its latest application, "Mall Friends," and decided the only non-contradictory way out was to simply delete it.

If I were a bettin' man, I would put money on 1, 6, 9, 11, 17, and 20.