If I Were First Lady (Or Look at Me Being Political)

Inspired by the people watching the results come in on the television in the back of the basketball game suite tonight, I am feeling political, or at least imaginative. So, if I were first lady...

First, I would eliminate the dancers at the basketball game. This is just appalling. I felt as if I were a woman in a gentleman's club, and I've always wondered what sort of woman would go to anything like that, and now I know: they disguise them as basketball games. What sort of man would need to be enticed by female strippers to watch a sports game? Don't all men watch sufficient amounts of sports of their own volition? What sort of woman would dress up in tall boots and undergarments and hold a sign proclaiming, "Southwest" or "Papa John's Pizza." I mean, really, this combines all of the ills of advertising with all of the ills of our sex-crazed culture.

Second, (and this is, perhaps, my favorite idea. It came to me one day when I was driving down the road, wishing that men could tell that I, a woman, was driving, so that they could chivalrously pause to let me pass) I would have all of the women drive pink cars and all of the men drive blue cars, so that all of the blue cars could yield to the pink cars.

That is all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure that more will come to me later. Also, it is important to distinguish between my intended actions as first lady and my intended actions as mayor. I'm excited about mayor-ing, but I'm certain that there would be very different problems to deal with. Those are for another day.