LRB Personals

So I'm out of fiction for this trip (gasp!); I don't really know what happened, but my packing skills are hit and miss, to say the least. That and overused.

Anyway, I was feeling super sad about this, but stumbled on the London Review of Books personals sections. How had I never known about this before? Better than fiction!

Here you go:

Body of Joan, brains of Peggy. F, 24, London, seeks equally confused Roger/Pete cross.

Decadent ageing London woman seeks plainish man.

(Editor's note: Add an age! You're never going to get a response with that ad--for crying outloud, you could be 100.)

London philosopher, 53, seeks lady of leisure, aged around L to LX, for lazy lounging.

Female, 50, fit and active, lively, seeks fit and active male who reads, thinks, and notices stuff. SE Wales.

London lawyer seeks feminine counterpart with a love of Italy and travel for lifelong adventures. ... YOU will be: warm, relationship-minded, open, with an optimistic sunny personality, romantic, very feminine, FUN but sensible when needed, open to marriage and a family. Perhaps a brunette, slim, 5'6"+, 30-40, with an adventurous spirit, yet homely and family orientated. Certainly not a cool, academic, career type. (Editor's note: Whoa!!! I get that you have very specific, paradox-filled ideas of what you're looking for in a woman, but really, no need to insult academic, career types! Also: this ad screams a man hurt from lots of bad past relationships. Also: OH MY GOODNESS! Does "homely" mean something different in the UK than it does in the US? Or does he want an ugly woman? )

All that to say, if all else fails, I know where I'll be posting my personals ad! Of course, it will probably just say Jimmy McNulty: I'm your Beadie Russell. Of course, I'm actually stuck in the 4th season and in Wikipediaing the spelling of "Beadie," I just discovered that that might not be the cleverist tact.