Or Why PAL is the Sanest Person I Know:
"Because having a real beer is sort of like drinking a loaf of bread, it doesn't take much to make you fatter."
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"I endorse wine as long as it's fairly cheap."
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"I rarely drink water unless I'm really thirsty. ... If I do drink water, I make sure it's from a tap. ... Drinking water, as the article says, is a shamefully privatized, narcissistic act."
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"What about coffee? Well, I really like it and drink a lot of it. Some say I don't believe in progress. But who can deny that there's been remarkable progress in the coffee readily available to Americans over the last generation?"
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"The new coffee we all enjoy (and lots of us to excess even in this safety-conscious time) is much stronger than the traditional MAXWELL HOUSE. And so we're more wired than ever. Someone might say that the resulting paranoid edginess is keeping us from being relaxed enough to reproduce."
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