Pregnancy

MSI demands pregnancy details, so here they are. But I might recommend skipping this post. In a word, I was sick, sick, sick. 

I knew I was pregnant very, very early for this child. I could see a very light, barely there second line at 9 days post ovulation. I felt the implantation cramps. I felt ever so slight nausea soon after seeing the second line. And I could smell EVERYTHING, including the ink from my pen (without holding it up to my nose). And the hormones--Francisco asked what was up with me all week. I was possibly grumpy before I had a pregnancy to blame it on. 

Pregnancy is awful--nausea, uber-grumpiness, uber-tiredness. Why did I sign up for this again? And thinking about the next three years, well--that just puts me deeper in the dumps. Not that I don't like my kid, but when I don't have energy to take care of him, our relationship is not at its finest. Kind, forbearing husband. 

​6 weeks

It's so confusing to be soooo uninterested in food. Food is so off-putting, but I know it will make me feel better, so I spend all my time trying to want food. And not wanting it.

7 weeks

Definitely more nauseau this time around, and starting in like the 4th week. I've already lost a couple of pounds because who can eat when you feel like this? 

I've noticed that the less like food something is, the more likely I'll be able to get my body to choke it down. You know--mac and cheese from a box, etc. Not good for my digestion. Also grapefruit. 

8 weeks

I wanted food for the first time in a month. What a great feeling!

​

​Still nauseous, but the worst in terms of food aversions seems to have passed--some food my mom makes for me even tastes good. And I occasionally crave Chex Mix!​

9 weeks

Starting to feel a little less nauseous! Down six pounds. So cold. 

11 weeks (tomorrow)

Had my first appointment with a midwife. She couldn't hear the heartbeat with the doppler, so we had an ultrasound. I don't believe in unnecessary ultrasounds, but how joyful and emotional to see our little baby--she looked huge and wiggled around for us. We could see her heart beating. The whole time I'm pregnant I feel like s*&%, I'm losing weight but thickening around my middle--I know there's a baby in there. But all the same, you don't really know until you hear that heartbeat, and seeing the baby in there was even better. Incredible. You could even see her little nose. 

Feeling little twitches in my belly. Gas? Baby? 

Pregnancy+cold=deathbed

12 weeks 

I am nauseous all the time and I (obv) hate it. I also hate suffering in silence. I would much rather loudly complain. So this is killing me. I'm taking B6 now three times a day and enough with the pills! Also I think I've lost 8.5 pounds. I'm eating again, so I'm confused. When will the weight loss stop? I promised myself that I'd be more chill this time (and I am!). But boy, my body had better start working the way it's supposed to! 

So much nausea. 

13 weeks

I am showing now when I wear maternity clothes--still hideable when I wear regular people clothes. But I would really just rather not hide it and look like I am gaining weight. Stupid workplace politics. I guess soon I simply won't be able to hide. At mass the other day I wore maternity clothes and Chester started pushing on my belly. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Pushing it so it isn't so full." I guess we'll have to tell him soon--but we can't tell him before my work people know, because he just might tell them...

14 weeks 

On to maternity clothes. Feeling better--but not yet all the way. 

Stupid belly which doesn't hold up pants with a full-belly panel, and yet doesn't fit comfortably into my old pants. Plus, I have to pee forty times a day, so it's delightful when I have to maneuver the belly band around. Plus, I'm worried that when teaching some part of my pregnancy gear that isn't supposed to is showing. Why can't I find half-panel pants? (My favorite.) Why are warm work clothes so freaking difficult to find? 

We told Chester about the baby. Francisco said, "There's a baby in mama's belly." Chester got an excited look on his face and said, "Who is the baby?" (As if it were someone he's already met.)

He asked if the baby could hear him at bedtime and talked to my belly a bit. He said that made the baby so it wouldn't cry. 

15 weeks 

Sometimes I'm over the sickness and sometimes it comes back with a vengeance. 

I told the kid to talk to his brother or sister about what the world is like. He said, "There is air out here, and you breathe it."

Dressing a small bump is torture. Maternity clothes are mostly too big and my regular clothes are mostly too small. I look terrible. I was complaining this morning and the kid said, "Mama, your shirt is pretty. You don't look pengui-- pregrant."

15 weeks, 2 days

I felt the baby for the first time(?)

Heard the heartbeat this morning, and got harassed by the midwife about not gaining weight. I am not taking Zofran. 

16 weeks

Still nauseous. This is is when it stopped for me for the other kid, so I was counting on that :((( Seems worse at work--even though I really like my job--I guess it's still stress? 

I gag or heave basically every time I take a pill, and I take a ton of pills. Some of them to help with the nausea a bit, maybe. 

17 weeks

Taking more drugs. It seems to maybe be helping. Still not Zofran. Stressed about my weight, but doing my darndest not to. This feels familiar. 

We often talk about pregnancy in glowing terms. Throughout this pregnancy, I've been thinking about this article about pregnancy as a battle. It seems far more appropriate. 

I always wondered why they compare the baby to the size of fruit in those things you can read about your baby's development online. And then I read one that--no kidding--compared the baby's size to a gerbil. I strongly prefer the fruit. I don't ever want to imagine a gerbil in my womb.

17.5 weeks

I swear I felt the kid kick. So hard to tell! 

18 weeks

I keep forgetting to wear my seabands to work, so maybe the nausea is easing up? 

Also I HATE HEALTH INSURANCE AND DOCTOR'S OFFICE BILLING AND THEIR COLLUSION. I just found out that I guess prenatal care is no longer considered preventative care and that I first need to meet my deductible and then my health insurance will pay 80% up to my out of pocket max? This is *&^^$%*@. Health insurance has become very expensive catastrophic insurance that basically refuses to pay for anything normal. And I think that this encourages people to avoid care. The whole point of the affordable care act was to encourage people to have access to and use care. I am so mad. Also: unrelated to pregnancy: This article says what I think--that preventative care (though not bad!) will not decrease health costs.

​Francisco and I felt the baby kick together--somehow it's little feet ​kicked low through thin enough skin to be felt this early. It's nice to share--and have someone else tell you you're not imagining digestion or something. Oh, so the baby kicked as soon as I laid down in bed. I grabbed Francisco's hand and stuck it on the spot. And then Francisco leaned down and talked to the baby and the baby kicked when he heard his daddy's voice. 

Still nauseous. Not all the time, but definitely some of the time. I think it gets worse with stress. 

19 weeks

On vacation--the baby liked the vacation--lots of kicking every day and no nausea. We even snorkeled together! 

20 weeks

My ultrasound today was cancelled and moved till tomorrow. It's killing me. But the midwife appointment was fine--for the first time they're positive about my weight gain. 

It's a boy.

I almost couldn't believe it as the ultrasound technician showed us the distinguishing feature. I had been absolutely certain that it was a girl. And I shed some tears on the ultrasound table.

Why do I care so much? I don't think that gender matters much, nor would I want to constrain a child based on gender norms. I shouldn't care.

On the other hand, I am woman-positive and I am much more inspired to encourage women to overcome gender stereotypes. I guess I need to buy the kid a doll and work on this stuff from the other perspective--and focus on raising caring sons.

Aside from the outcome of the ultrasound, this one went a lot better. Last time around laying on my back made me nauseous, and if I remember correctly, the ultrasound tech turned the screen away from me and did her measurements. This time it was great--she showed me everything in detail--the kidneys, every bone, the brain!, the four chambers of the heart, the bladder, the stomach--really everything.