Celebrating

Several of my students went to the play, and I was asking them what they thought about it and one said, "I was thinking about Augustine the whole time." That was a delightful response!

Francisco made me us a lovely dinner--something chicken pot pie adjacent. With rose and a salad, it was perfect. Then chocolate cake and ice cream. And presents: a lovely water pitcher and a dinner gong!

In the evening, Q and I were the guests of a colleague to the community theater for a spooky show. Q laughed through the whole thing and loved seeing one of his babysitters perform. It was really enjoyable. I gave him some money at intermission and told him to buy himself a cookie. He bought three and asked if he could go back for banana bread. When questioned he asked, then why did you give me $10? If I give him some extra money at a store, he thinks he needs to spend it all. 

 This morning we printed Blaze's carving. 

Celebrating

So many pretty things--from my work friend, from my housekeeper, from Francisco. I wore new clothing from my work friend from her home country--it was so appropriate because it is her tradition, coming out of her culture, to wear new clothing for special days. Something from her that's rubbed off, just a little bit, on me. 

I got to be beside Francisco when bidding for a piece of land as he takes his first step toward being a real estate magnate. (It is a small first step and this purchase will take months or a year because of special laws, but I love auctions, so it was very fun.)

In the evening, we went to our local fast food place and had sandwiches--I had roast beef. We knocked over two waters (the second one--me) and Francisco calmly cleaned everything up. And we shared an enormous ice cream with snickers and reece's piecces in it. Then we headed to the movie theater for Howl's Moving Castle, which has been out for 20 years. I loved watching it with my family on the big screen. 

Another late night for the boys--we're all sleepy. 

 I loved the calls (Nana and Ilana!) and texts and facebook messages and emails. It was so so nice. 

Celebrating

For my birthday, I put the kids on the school bus (first time ever for reluctant Blaze--it was so sweet to see the brothers sitting next to each other as the bus pulled away) and had a lovely walk to work. (Although I started listening to "The Body Keeps the Score," which is not light birthday reading!

Last night Francisco and I went out for dinner and to a play at school, which was hilarious and fun. 

My mother-in-law sent flowers.

I encountered this shock in my bran cereal this morning. 

And these mushrooms on the walk home last night. 

 

The Week

Yesterday I had emdr. I told the therapist how tricky and overwhelmed I was for days after the last session. So she suggested a lite version, which turned out not to be very light, but which was very good. I can see so clearly the ways that I have shut down all emotions in order to survive--I couldn't even feel happy that Francisco is alive, because that would require me acknowledging that there's an alternative. Together in our session, I felt just joy that he's alive. It turns out when you squash all your emotions, you also squash joy. Anyway, she worked with me to realize that feeling emotions isn't just feeling emotions all the time, but that my emotions can be in dialogue with my reason. (Also--Nana's observation--if you just squash all your emotions, why can't you also just squash the anger? I love her so much, and she is the most purely stoic person I've ever met.)

Also: After a year of sleeping through 3/4 of the nights, I haven't slept through the night since becoming furniture. 

The Week

A sunny spell yesterday was when the principal called to tell me that Blaze won the read-a-thon (aided of course by a number of audio books that helped him get through his twisted knee). He won a fort-building prize, which is amazing for my kid who loves to build things. 

Francisco and I went to hear a speaker last night. We set the kids up with movies and audio books in the sofa in the next hall. They could find us if they needed to (they would never leave their movies and audio books except for a technical malfunction) and we could enjoy the talk ourselves. A very nice set-up for everyone.

The speaker, an alum, gave a not-perfect, but very nice talk about plenty of things I love--poetry, care, and community. I really enjoyed it. 

The Weekend

Every interesting nature thing I photograph around our house turns out to be some sort of infestation. I wonder what the one above is.

***

"I thought America didn't fight in World War 1." --unnamed person who is highly ignorant of history (it's me)

"Yes, we did." --10-year-old reading in the next room 

I'm embarrassed sometimes to be a teacher.

Above--Shades of green. Francisco working on paint samples.

Below: The bubbles in the coffee this morning were iridescent (the phone camera didn't pick up the colors). 

Below: Still unfurling. I feel you, flowers, this Monday morning. 

The weekend: Farmer's market and library where we ran into friends and colleagues; The Wild Robot movie, which we saw in the middle of the day, and which somehow made us all out of sorts for the rest of the day; Goodwill where we got stuff for Q's Halloween costume; religious education, which Francisco and I took as an opportunity for a coffee date; swimming at the college--really too deep for the boys and me, but they competed with each other at swimming underwater--and most importantly, we got Blaze some exercise that didn't hurt his knee; biking to mass. 

We generally really enjoyed The Wild Robot (Blaze and I have read all the books). However, because they put two books in one movie, we found the pacing a little uneven/unusual. Blaze and I noticed some of the changes from the books. I found the description of parenting, which frustrates the robot, relatable (not really part of the book as far as I remember). 

The Week

What a week. What a week. Some office politics yesterday afternoon. 

I couldn't be happier that it's Friday. 

One thing I've been reflecting on, which I reflect on most days, is how lucky I am in marriage: Francisco would absolutely lay down his life for me and forgives me seventy times seven most days. It is very humbling to be loved like this. 

The Week

Today I rented a U-haul truck and two men, and they brought us our piano! It is so lovely. And so meaningful--such a good way to remember our very kind neighbors as the move out of the state. I can't wait for Blaze to see it. 

We all slept last night, and Q's fever is gone, and he's back at school. Could we be on the upswing? On the other hand in 24-hours the rest of us could be sick, so we're going to delay the flu and covid shots I'd scheduled for today. 

The Week

What a week. 

Blaze still limping. Francisco took him to the bone and joint urgent care, which said for probably several hundred dollars what we thought--it's probably a bad sprain, just keep an eye on it. (When Francisco brought up the possibility of a meniscal tear, the PA scoffed and said that kids don't have meniscal tissue. I am livid when doctors talk down to ordinary people, but from all my googling, kids do have meniscal tissue and absolutely can, though rarely, tear it.)

He mostly stayed with Francisco, but came with me (my ridiculous idea) to my first department meeting as furniture. It turned out the shows we downloaded didn't actually download, so instead of sitting quietly in the corner, he tapped on me 40 times. I was about to explode. Pro: He made me a bracelet out of office supplies. 

Above: Blaze used office supplies to make me a bracelet. 

Below: A truly enormous truck in our friendly midwestern town. 

Below: Our friendly midwestern town is highly into Halloween. I am most creeped out by girl on swing. 

In the evening, we went briefly to a drumming/lights performance. Q and Francisco were not interested and walked home. Blaze liked it--I loved seeing him drum along with his fingers--so we stayed for half an hour.

Around 4 a.m. Q woke me up. I don't think either of us went back to sleep. He has a fever and will stay home with longsuffering Francisco today. 

For the public: I am a grumpy, cranky, insufferable human being. Francisco is perfect. I do not deserve him, even a little bit. But I do love him. 

The Week

Blaze still limping. Maybe doctor's appointment today? 

Last night was tennis and instruments. My partner and I won. I love the competition. And I loved the bike ride home in the dark and the rain. 

Happy moments: The quietly proud look on my struggling student's face when he improved his quiz score. Q whispered to me after one of the mass readings, "That sounds like servant leadership." Indeed!

I'm totally overwhelmed by work and emotions. Francisco is keeping everything going. 

The Weekend

We've still got some extreme limping going on at home. Here's my weekend search for calm. Do you recognize it, favorite aunt? 

What else? Q got a Frappuccino after mass and seemed quite happy. 

 

The Weekend

 

Francisco and I got a babysitter and headed out on foot for a night on the town--the nicest restaurant in town (not saying too much), a gas station for ice cream bars (the restaurant only offered creme brule and 4 kinds of cheesecake and I don't like cheesecake and was in the mood for chocolate), then to a fountain in the center, where we talked and sketched, then to the brewery for a drink and some cards against humanity. 

When we got home, we were happy that their babysitter had some rough-and-tumble fun with the boys. Blaze mentioned that he hurt his knee, which we ignored. Well, this morning he can barely walk, so he's getting a day in bed with ice and elevation, and we'll reassess whether he can walk tomorrow or skips school and heads to the doctor. This was a stressful morning for me. He said there was a twist and a pop and the babysitter was pulling him in one direction and his brother pushing his leg in another, and he screamed, so I'm assuming a ligament or meniscus. If you remember, I've had experience with my meniscus, so I'm nervous. If you can spare a prayer, we'll take it. (Of course he's loving a day of video games and shows and audiobooks.)

Q had his first religious education class of the year, run by three students at the college--I love to see them involved in the community. 

The Weekend

 

Above: Just a little of the overflowing bags of food grown by Stearns and her family that she sent for us via my parents. Also: poblano peppers. Such abundance and generosity!

Yesterday: Mass--only since I've had to go to daily mass occasionally once the priest made the mass not at the time when parents have to take their kids to school have I learned that outside the church is a drop-off, pick-up place. So far I've seen bags of truly ugly apples that taste so good like the dappled apples of my childhood (only less good than our winesap) and piles of purple flags (the flower) to plant.  

In the afternoon, I met with my new therapist and we tried emdr. I was excited to try it--I've been interested in it for a year and a half or so. Oh boy--what have I gotten myself into? We "explored" one moment for about an hour, unfolding all the emotions underneath frustration and anger and rage. And going and going and not stopping. I definitely wanted to stop. I don't think this therapist has any idea how much I hate emotions and how awful they make me feel. 

Oh, I did feel like I was a slight success when I made my remarkably unemotional therapist laugh--I was talking about the difficulty I have raising children and said, "I have a note on my phone that says, 'The only thing that matters is love,' but really, fruits and vegetables matter, too." 

After that, I ran over to a friend of Francisco's, who has the nicest, oldest house in town. It is perfect. A previous holder of my position at the college used to live there, and so this friend of Francisco's served us aperol sprits and cheese and crackers and let me pick out books of the previous owner's that he still keeps on his shelves. It was just ridiculously kind of him. And it will be a delight to own a couple of the previous professor's marked up books. 

And after that, we stopped by the Moon Festival. We had some snacks, learned some myths, and did some painting. And I got to visit a bit with some lovely colleagues and their children. I perfect short activity. 

Today it turns out from the edmr, I guess, that I am totally shot. I've spent most of the day so far crying in bed and the time I've gotten out of bed has not gone well. So this is truly a delightful process that I can look forward to continuing. 

Oh--I forgot to say, now that I am furniture, I am "important" enough to be spoofed. Someone emailed my department pretending to be me. None of them fell for it, but they were all unsure enough to check with me about it, which is so so funny. The spoofer signed the emails, "Professor and Chairperson." I've never used an email signature in my life. Who does my department think I am, really?

The Week

I guess one of the delights of this year is learning the joys of apologizing to my colleagues. I've never really needed to apologize at work in the past, but I do now. (Yesterday--I was a big interrupter in a truly painful, hellish meeting. Actually, it is very likely that if I die not in a state of grace, I'm going to one long, pointless, inefficient meeting for eternity.)

Once again, I woke up in the night with thoughts racing and racing through my head--how can I rearrange everyone's schedules to make things best. I should probably be taking a gummy before bed. 

Quote

 "An arm's just an arm till it's wrapped round a shoulder." 

--Iris, Aristotelian 

The Week

Walking Blaze to school before sunrise in September. I object. (Though the sunrise is beautiful.)

Papa and Nana will be happy to hear that last night we had a family bagworm-picking party, trying to save our remaining arborvitae. The kids (and their squeamish mother) did great. 

My service here is settling down a bit, and I'm able to catch the smallest of breaths. And I don't hate it all--the problem-solving part has a little excitement, and of course supporting my colleagues is a joy. BUT I am losing sleep to this responsibility. (Last night--3-4 a.m.)

I Object

On less lovely notes: 

One of my students, the starting quarterback was injured on Saturday somewhere between really bad and career-ending. I object to this sport (though I attended the game, so I'm a hypocrite). 

We got an email today, after there were three policemen there when I dropped Q off at school this morning, that there had been some sort of threat against his school. This is email #2 about security threats for the year. I object to this school experience in America--and think that guns should be only for hunting and harder to get. 

The Week

Some beauty from my day--obviously these pictures capture only the merest hint of the beauty of the enormous moon. 

Last night I was so tired that I immediately passed out on the couch when I get home and was woken up a dozen times by Blaze wanting various things from me (Francisco had a talk to attend). 

 

The Week

Last night my tennis partner and I came back from 2-5 to win 7-5. Very fun. 

We finished Back to Black and I finished the last ten minutes of Man on Wire. 

The Weekend

An unforced error--after a busy Saturday, I insisted we do too much on Sunday. We were all cranky and tired, especially me.  

But it was a free day at the otherwise quite expensive children's museum an hour away. How do you miss that? Anyway, we did not miss it. Including sports in 90 degree sunshine that the kids insisted I join them for. And a collaborative family activity with kids who decided they were definitely unwilling to collaborate. 

Exhibits on Greece, dinosaurs, and Nelson Mandela (below). 

Afterwards, mass and McDonalds.

Live and learn. Or just live and make the same mistakes a thousand times. 

Visitors

We had a wonderful visit with my parents as they passed through on the way home from Stearns'. We packed the visit with local stuff--wonderful meals from our caterer; a visit to our farmer's market, the library book sale, Francisco's and my offices, a local museum about incarceration, seeing what the fraternities were up to in terms of homecoming decorations. 

Above: Some decoration from the jail ceiling. Below: Some decoration from the adjoined sheriff's residence/municipal building ceiling. (I want a ceiling medallion and have set Francisco on this hunt.)

There were tons of games with the grandparents--card games, four square, kickball, and a visit to Q's school to learn Gaga ball. Papa and I went to the first half of the football game. After dinner: The Glee Club concert with songs of American freedom (so thought-provoking as I'm currently teaching American thought). 

So, so wonderful to spend time with Nana and Papa. 

The Week

I still resent the fact that my state thinks it's great to send kids to school in the dark for the majority of the year, BUT the sky was so great this morning through the whole sunrise. The layered textures of clouds are unreal. If I start a religion, we'll worship the sky. 

"My hero is...my brother." I love these boys so much. 

Last night there was a big speaker on campus. Francisco and I set the boys up on a sofa in the hall with The Little Rascals movie and attended the lecture. A good time was had by all. 

I folded my five loads of laundry and did a cursory cleaning of 2 bathrooms and made the bed--I'm calling it a day on guest preparation.