Yesterday I had emdr. I told the therapist how tricky and overwhelmed I was for days after the last session. So she suggested a lite version, which turned out not to be very light, but which was very good. I can see so clearly the ways that I have shut down all emotions in order to survive--I couldn't even feel happy that Francisco is alive, because that would require me acknowledging that there's an alternative. Together in our session, I felt just joy that he's alive. It turns out when you squash all your emotions, you also squash joy. Anyway, she worked with me to realize that feeling emotions isn't just feeling emotions all the time, but that my emotions can be in dialogue with my reason. (Also--Nana's observation--if you just squash all your emotions, why can't you also just squash the anger? I love her so much, and she is the most purely stoic person I've ever met.)
Also: After a year of sleeping through 3/4 of the nights, I haven't slept through the night since becoming furniture.
2 comments:
Nana has emotions...the one you would see is if she makes a mistake, like ...I can't think of a specific one but it would be something small...and how would your brother say it...she sucks in the windshield! Also, you should be with her watching a football game, every play is like there's one second remaining in the game!
Ha! Fair enough!
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