39 weeks:
~ The midwife casually mentioned that I might spend a bit more time "leaning forward" for baby positioning. (The baby is in a fine position, but might be able to twist a bit to get into an even better one.) Of course, that means that I've now read everything on baby positioning and now feel guilty sitting in furniture (not recommended by the crunchy people) and especially about leaning back and putting my feet up (definitely prohibited by the crunchy people). I feel like I should only be sitting on the "birth ball" (exercise ball; mine specifically recommends not using it during pregnancy) or cross-legged on the floor.
~ Waiting and impatient. So, it seems, from my email inbox, text messages, and phone calls, is the rest of the world. It was nice to have #1tomatolover and Stearns visit this weekend (and Mama Leopard and Ilana visit this week) to distract Francisco and me from the waiting.
~ Day 1 of using old wives tales from the internet to have this baby already (I reached one-year at my new job with the accompanying full-maternity benefits, so I'm anxious for this baby to arrive). First, an hour-long walk with Francisco in the morning (that probably means 2 miles max, since I walk slow, plus we stopped for coffee and to look at the duck pond). Next, a pedicure. The pedicure was courtesy of our recent move: our new neighborhood is so fru-fru that the welcome pack includes a free haircut and a free pedicure. I've only had one pedicure before, and it was 10 years ago, I think, so I was a bit out of practice (read: I had no idea what I was supposed to do next). It was pretty relaxing, although the pedicurist (?) was really hacking away at my cuticles, so sometimes it felt like I was at the dentist's. Next, a very spicy Indian lunch. Not sure what the rest of the day will hold, but maybe a baby?
~ The Braxton-Hicks are getting stronger and more frequent (and a little uncomfortable), and the baby's definitely dropped (or, as Francisco says, "It looks like he's going to fall out"). But all of this could go on for two more weeks! Learning patience, as always.
~ Just had my weekly appointment and they didn't tell me anything. That was severely disappointing as I thought that they might know something. And Francisco suggested that we wait on stripping my membranes, which makes sense--why hurry things along when there's no actual hurry. (Although I suspect that his friend from England visiting on Sunday has something to do with his own lack of impatience.) If I had been at the appointment alone, I would have begged them to take my membranes out completely and deliver the baby then and there.
~ A friend wished me, "Kala eleftheria (Greek for "May you have a good birth!" -- literally, have good physical freedom from each other)." I tell you what, I'm sure looking forward to that physical freedom from each other.
~ Another possibly kooky pseudo-induction method: reflexology. Where they massage/push on your feet, especially particular points that are supposed to induce labor. I went and had that today, thanks to another moving-into-the-neighborhood coupon. The massage therapist claimed that she could tell that I have back and shoulder pain from my feet (of course, who doesn't have back pain?). She also suggested baby names. (Francisco: "You're going to have the baby now, since you went to that witch doctor.")
~ Relatedly, it is odd to me to be so tired that sometimes I can't even do the things that relax me--like some days I'm too tired to go to the pool or do yoga or watch a movie. Today I almost didn't go to the foot massage because I was too tired. Who is too tired to make it to their massage?
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Mulieris Dignitatem.3
EH: JP2's discussion of motherhood begins with a recognition of its connection to fatherhood and marriage. In my own experience of pregnancy and generation, it's incredibly connected to fatherhood--in the case of Mary, it depends on God.
MD: "The eternal mystery of generation, which is in God himself, the one and Triune God (cf. Eph 3:14-15), is reflected in the woman's motherhood and in the man's fatherhood. Human parenthood is something shared by both the man and the woman."
MD: ""When a woman is in travail she has sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she is delivered of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child is born into the world" (Jn 16: 21). The first part of Christ's words refers to the "pangs of childbirth" which belong to the heritage of original sin; at the same time these words indicate the link that exists between the woman's motherhood and the Paschal Mystery. For this mystery also includes the Mother's sorrow at the foot of the Cross - the Mother who through faith shares in the amazing mystery of her Son's "self-emptying": "This is perhaps the deepest 'kenosis' of faith in human history"."
EH: The first part of the last quote is obviously relevant to me at the moment.
MD: "The author of the Letter to the Ephesians sees no contradiction between an exhortation formulated in this way and the words: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife" (5:22-23). The author knows that this way of speaking, so profoundly rooted in the customs and religious tradition of the time, is to be understood and carried out in a new way: as a "mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ" (cf. Eph 5:21). This is especially true because the husband is called the "head" of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church; he is so in order to give "himself up for her" (Eph 5:25), and giving himself up for her means giving up even his own life. However, whereas in the relationship between Christ and the Church the subjection is only on the part of the Church, in the relationship between husband and wife the "subjection" is not one-sided but mutual."
EH: This is an excellent explanation of a pretty difficult passage.
MD: "[A]ll human beings - both women and men - are called through the Church, to be the "Bride" of Christ, the Redeemer of the world. In this way "being the bride", and thus the "feminine" element, becomes a symbol of all that is "human"..."
MD: "The moral and spiritual strength of a woman is joined to her awareness that God entrusts the human being to her in a special way. Of course, God entrusts every human being to each and every other human being. But this entrusting concerns women in a special way - precisely by reason of their femininity - and this in a particular way determines their vocation."
EH: Here JP2 is getting to some differences between men and women, but I wish he would say more--how is the human being entrusted to women in a special way? As a baby? Throughout the life cycle? As opposed to men's focus on science and technology (as is implied a couple of paragraphs later)?
MD: "The eternal mystery of generation, which is in God himself, the one and Triune God (cf. Eph 3:14-15), is reflected in the woman's motherhood and in the man's fatherhood. Human parenthood is something shared by both the man and the woman."
MD: ""When a woman is in travail she has sorrow, because her hour has come; but when she is delivered of the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a child is born into the world" (Jn 16: 21). The first part of Christ's words refers to the "pangs of childbirth" which belong to the heritage of original sin; at the same time these words indicate the link that exists between the woman's motherhood and the Paschal Mystery. For this mystery also includes the Mother's sorrow at the foot of the Cross - the Mother who through faith shares in the amazing mystery of her Son's "self-emptying": "This is perhaps the deepest 'kenosis' of faith in human history"."
EH: The first part of the last quote is obviously relevant to me at the moment.
MD: "The author of the Letter to the Ephesians sees no contradiction between an exhortation formulated in this way and the words: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife" (5:22-23). The author knows that this way of speaking, so profoundly rooted in the customs and religious tradition of the time, is to be understood and carried out in a new way: as a "mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ" (cf. Eph 5:21). This is especially true because the husband is called the "head" of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church; he is so in order to give "himself up for her" (Eph 5:25), and giving himself up for her means giving up even his own life. However, whereas in the relationship between Christ and the Church the subjection is only on the part of the Church, in the relationship between husband and wife the "subjection" is not one-sided but mutual."
EH: This is an excellent explanation of a pretty difficult passage.
MD: "[A]ll human beings - both women and men - are called through the Church, to be the "Bride" of Christ, the Redeemer of the world. In this way "being the bride", and thus the "feminine" element, becomes a symbol of all that is "human"..."
MD: "The moral and spiritual strength of a woman is joined to her awareness that God entrusts the human being to her in a special way. Of course, God entrusts every human being to each and every other human being. But this entrusting concerns women in a special way - precisely by reason of their femininity - and this in a particular way determines their vocation."
EH: Here JP2 is getting to some differences between men and women, but I wish he would say more--how is the human being entrusted to women in a special way? As a baby? Throughout the life cycle? As opposed to men's focus on science and technology (as is implied a couple of paragraphs later)?
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Mulieris Dignitatem.2
MD: "This observation on the limits of the analogy - the limits of man's likeness to God in biblical language - must also be kept in mind when, in different passages of Sacred Scripture (especially in the Old Testament), we find comparisons that attribute to God "masculine" or "feminine" qualities. We find in these passages an indirect confirmation of the truth that both man and woman were created in the image and likeness of God. If there is a likeness between Creator and creatures, it is understandable that the Bible would refer to God using expressions that attribute to him both "masculine" and "feminine" qualities."
MD: "This characteristic of biblical language - its anthropomorphic way of speaking about God - points indirectly to the mystery of the eternal "generating" which belongs to the inner life of God. Nevertheless, in itself this "generating" has neither "masculine" nor "feminine" qualities. It is by nature totally divine."
EH: Once again, Pope John Paul II is pointing us to the similarities between men and women--the way in which both man and woman were created in the image and likeness of God. He also talks about the way in which fatherhood and motherhood, human generation, bears an analogy to the generation of God.
MD: "At the beginning of the New Covenant, which is to be eternal and irrevocable, there is a woman: the Virgin of Nazareth. It is a sign that points to the fact that "in Jesus Christ" "there is neither male nor female" (Gal 3:28). In Christ the mutual opposition between man and woman - which is the inheritance of original sin - is essentially overcome. "For you are all one in Jesus Christ", Saint Paul will write (ibid.)."
MD: "The comparison Eve-Mary can be understood also in the sense that Mary assumes in herself and embraces the mystery of the "woman" whose beginning is Eve, "the mother of all the living" (Gen 3:20)."(Mary reveals and becomes the dignity of woman, how woman was created to be (and how Eve, through sin, failed to be). Mary discovers this through a sincere gift of self.)
EH: What strikes me the most in reading this thus far (again) is not how different men and women are, but how similar--for instance, Pope John Paul II emphasizes that Jesus makes women his disciples. What's radical about Jesus' treatment is that he shows them the truth about themselves in the same way that he shows it to men. Women (and his disciple John) stick by him at the cross. Before talking about the differences between men and women, John Paul II talks about their equality.
MD: "This characteristic of biblical language - its anthropomorphic way of speaking about God - points indirectly to the mystery of the eternal "generating" which belongs to the inner life of God. Nevertheless, in itself this "generating" has neither "masculine" nor "feminine" qualities. It is by nature totally divine."
EH: Once again, Pope John Paul II is pointing us to the similarities between men and women--the way in which both man and woman were created in the image and likeness of God. He also talks about the way in which fatherhood and motherhood, human generation, bears an analogy to the generation of God.
MD: "At the beginning of the New Covenant, which is to be eternal and irrevocable, there is a woman: the Virgin of Nazareth. It is a sign that points to the fact that "in Jesus Christ" "there is neither male nor female" (Gal 3:28). In Christ the mutual opposition between man and woman - which is the inheritance of original sin - is essentially overcome. "For you are all one in Jesus Christ", Saint Paul will write (ibid.)."
MD: "The comparison Eve-Mary can be understood also in the sense that Mary assumes in herself and embraces the mystery of the "woman" whose beginning is Eve, "the mother of all the living" (Gen 3:20)."(Mary reveals and becomes the dignity of woman, how woman was created to be (and how Eve, through sin, failed to be). Mary discovers this through a sincere gift of self.)
EH: What strikes me the most in reading this thus far (again) is not how different men and women are, but how similar--for instance, Pope John Paul II emphasizes that Jesus makes women his disciples. What's radical about Jesus' treatment is that he shows them the truth about themselves in the same way that he shows it to men. Women (and his disciple John) stick by him at the cross. Before talking about the differences between men and women, John Paul II talks about their equality.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Missing APSA. Totally could have made it. (Maybe. ) (Although I'm not sure that I could have stayed awake.)
Mulieris Dignitatem
I realize that this is probably the most boring thing that I could post during Baby Leopards' countdown, but life must go on. Plus, dear reader, you can be like my whole family and skip the long, picture-less posts.
One of my mentees suggested that we read Mulieris Dignitatem together; I agreed, and remembered, in the course of reading, that I'd read this before. Here are my thoughts (mostly notes for myself) as I read:
Mulieris Dignitatem: "It is a question of understanding the reason for and the consequences of the Creator's decision that the human being should always and only exist as a woman or a man."
Emily Hale: Is a human being always and only a woman or a man? Certainly in the scriptural account of creation in Genesis. Certainly in Aquinas' description of sex as a necessary accident. But what about cases in which it isn't clear? What about where chromosomes are XXY? What about intersex persons, where doctors and parents often choose one sex or another? This question comes from my work in disability studies, which is attuned to cases that are atypical. This letter focuses on the typical cases, but in no way touches on the other cases.
MD: Mary, Mother of God, Theotokos, points us to the supernatural union with God that humankind is made for. Mary, like Christ, is a servant.
EH: Throughout this letter, and especially at the beginning, I'm struck by how much he emphasizes women's (through Mary's vocation) similarity to men, rather than difference.
MD: "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen 1:27). Man and woman derive their dignity and vocation from this beginning. The institution of marriage is in the same context as the creation of man and woman. Original solitude is overcome with the creation of man and woman; this is like the divine communion of the trinity.
MD: "We can easily understand that - on this fundamental level - it is a question of a "help" on the part of both, and at the same time a mutual "help". To be human means to be called to interpersonal communion. The text of Genesis 2:18-25 shows that marriage is the first and, in a sense, the fundamental dimension of this call. But it is not the only one. The whole of human history unfolds within the context of this call. In this history, on the basis of the principle of mutually being "for" the other, in interpersonal "communion", there develops in humanity itself, in accordance with God's will, the integration of what is "masculine" and what is "feminine"."
EH: I love this. Incidentally, discovering this idea that humans are called to find themselves through being "'for' the other, in interpersonal 'communion'" is when I decided that I'd like to get married: whether married or single, the point of life is this mutual help and this interpersonal communion. If I'm going to have to live for others and not for myself in the nice, ordered way that I sort of prefer, then I'd just as soon do it in the context of a marriage.
MD: "The Lord Jesus, when he prayed to the Father 'that all may be one ... as we are one' (Jn 17: 21-22), opened up vistas closed to human reason. For he implied a certain likeness between the union of the divine Persons and the union of God's children in truth and charity. This likeness reveals that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for its own sake, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self"."
EH: The point here is, I think, that union among masculine and feminine through marriage bears some likeness to the union of the trinity. But this union among masculine and feminine is more pervasive than just marriage, too--it occurs in the context of the Church and in other forms of community.
To be continued...
One of my mentees suggested that we read Mulieris Dignitatem together; I agreed, and remembered, in the course of reading, that I'd read this before. Here are my thoughts (mostly notes for myself) as I read:
Mulieris Dignitatem: "It is a question of understanding the reason for and the consequences of the Creator's decision that the human being should always and only exist as a woman or a man."
Emily Hale: Is a human being always and only a woman or a man? Certainly in the scriptural account of creation in Genesis. Certainly in Aquinas' description of sex as a necessary accident. But what about cases in which it isn't clear? What about where chromosomes are XXY? What about intersex persons, where doctors and parents often choose one sex or another? This question comes from my work in disability studies, which is attuned to cases that are atypical. This letter focuses on the typical cases, but in no way touches on the other cases.
MD: Mary, Mother of God, Theotokos, points us to the supernatural union with God that humankind is made for. Mary, like Christ, is a servant.
EH: Throughout this letter, and especially at the beginning, I'm struck by how much he emphasizes women's (through Mary's vocation) similarity to men, rather than difference.
MD: "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Gen 1:27). Man and woman derive their dignity and vocation from this beginning. The institution of marriage is in the same context as the creation of man and woman. Original solitude is overcome with the creation of man and woman; this is like the divine communion of the trinity.
MD: "We can easily understand that - on this fundamental level - it is a question of a "help" on the part of both, and at the same time a mutual "help". To be human means to be called to interpersonal communion. The text of Genesis 2:18-25 shows that marriage is the first and, in a sense, the fundamental dimension of this call. But it is not the only one. The whole of human history unfolds within the context of this call. In this history, on the basis of the principle of mutually being "for" the other, in interpersonal "communion", there develops in humanity itself, in accordance with God's will, the integration of what is "masculine" and what is "feminine"."
EH: I love this. Incidentally, discovering this idea that humans are called to find themselves through being "'for' the other, in interpersonal 'communion'" is when I decided that I'd like to get married: whether married or single, the point of life is this mutual help and this interpersonal communion. If I'm going to have to live for others and not for myself in the nice, ordered way that I sort of prefer, then I'd just as soon do it in the context of a marriage.
MD: "The Lord Jesus, when he prayed to the Father 'that all may be one ... as we are one' (Jn 17: 21-22), opened up vistas closed to human reason. For he implied a certain likeness between the union of the divine Persons and the union of God's children in truth and charity. This likeness reveals that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for its own sake, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self"."
EH: The point here is, I think, that union among masculine and feminine through marriage bears some likeness to the union of the trinity. But this union among masculine and feminine is more pervasive than just marriage, too--it occurs in the context of the Church and in other forms of community.
To be continued...
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Our New Apartment
While we're waiting for Baby Leopard to make his entrance, I'll give you a little virtual tour of our new apartment.
I'm infinitely happy living in a smaller place, especially when it comes to cleaning. Hopefully that will hold true even after the baby is born.
And here, as a bonus, is the changing pad cover I sewed for the baby. Cute fabric, no? (It was as girly as I could get and still be boy-appropriate.)
I also made a crib sheet for the pack n play and a moby wrap. I did this all on a sewing machine that only half works. Francisco dreaded each evening that I tried to sew, because he knew what a bad mood it put me in. But sewing seems like a thing that a mother should do, so I persevered.
Friday, August 22, 2014
A Diary of Pregnancy
38 weeks:
~ Everything aches.
~ I have a severely inny belly button. It is still an inny. I keep waiting for it to pop, but I'm beginning to suspect it never will.
~ No Group B strep! This makes me so happy as I don't think I've ever had antibiotics and was nervous that I would now have to have them. (When the presence of Group B strep is found, antibiotics are routinely given in labor and a third of women have it!)
~ My (very young) hairdresser asked today if the baby was expected or a surprise. Hilarious question from someone I've never met before in my life! (An aside: I do not enjoy having my hair cut, unless it's by one of the girls who I grew up with who give me all the local gossip when I visit my hometown. I never dry my hair, so why would I want a hair cutter to dry it? That's what the plain old air is for. She made it straight as a stick. Francisco says I look like I could run for mayor. He also says I should dry my hair more often.)
~ My friend here who has 5 little kids said to me the other week, "You must be at the point where you just hate everyone." When she said it, I didn't really know what she meant. But yes--I'm definitely at the point where I just hate everyone (and, honestly, it makes me feel better that she said it first). Incidentally--everyone keeps telling me to take lots of dates with my husband now, while we still can. But what they don't understand is that it's pretty difficult for me to be pleasant during those dates, because everything aches.
~ Francisco has recently named himself Chief Security Officer of our house, and he is taking security more seriously than ever: he's worrying about the strings on our Venetian blinds being too long (the baby isn't born yet, not to mention entirely unable to crawl around), he's worrying that any pictures hung in our room might fall on the baby, and he announced to me last night that he'd like to get a weapon--he's thinking a steel baseball bat. Note: he does not need a weapon to protect himself or me, but rather to protect Baby Leopard. Men have their own kind of nesting.
~ I've decided to call these the last days. As the Bible says,
~ I'm so tired. I've definitely never been this tired before: I have 2 good hours in the morning, and then I'm back to feeling tired for the rest of the day.
~ Everything aches.
~ I have a severely inny belly button. It is still an inny. I keep waiting for it to pop, but I'm beginning to suspect it never will.
~ No Group B strep! This makes me so happy as I don't think I've ever had antibiotics and was nervous that I would now have to have them. (When the presence of Group B strep is found, antibiotics are routinely given in labor and a third of women have it!)
~ My (very young) hairdresser asked today if the baby was expected or a surprise. Hilarious question from someone I've never met before in my life! (An aside: I do not enjoy having my hair cut, unless it's by one of the girls who I grew up with who give me all the local gossip when I visit my hometown. I never dry my hair, so why would I want a hair cutter to dry it? That's what the plain old air is for. She made it straight as a stick. Francisco says I look like I could run for mayor. He also says I should dry my hair more often.)
~ My friend here who has 5 little kids said to me the other week, "You must be at the point where you just hate everyone." When she said it, I didn't really know what she meant. But yes--I'm definitely at the point where I just hate everyone (and, honestly, it makes me feel better that she said it first). Incidentally--everyone keeps telling me to take lots of dates with my husband now, while we still can. But what they don't understand is that it's pretty difficult for me to be pleasant during those dates, because everything aches.
~ Francisco has recently named himself Chief Security Officer of our house, and he is taking security more seriously than ever: he's worrying about the strings on our Venetian blinds being too long (the baby isn't born yet, not to mention entirely unable to crawl around), he's worrying that any pictures hung in our room might fall on the baby, and he announced to me last night that he'd like to get a weapon--he's thinking a steel baseball bat. Note: he does not need a weapon to protect himself or me, but rather to protect Baby Leopard. Men have their own kind of nesting.
~ I've decided to call these the last days. As the Bible says,
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows."~ Francisco apologized for only picking up one half-gallon of ice cream (not two). Such a man.
~ I'm so tired. I've definitely never been this tired before: I have 2 good hours in the morning, and then I'm back to feeling tired for the rest of the day.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Emails from the Philadelphia Art Museum keep inviting us to "experience the dots, blots, and drips of one of the twentieth century's most creative draftsmen" at a new exhibit. The "dots, blots, and drips" makes me laugh.
Measurable Benefits
Lately The Atlantic has been touting the health benefits of lots of things I believe in, like walkable neighborhoods ("Do We Look Fat in These Suburbs? People in dense cities are thinner and have healthier hearts than people in sprawling subdivisions") and meeting your neighbors ("Always Talk to Strangers: People who know and trust their neighbors are less likely to have heart attacks"). On the one hand, it's nice to know that things that you're drawn to have health benefits (this is how I feel about coffee and sleep). On the other hand, if you do these things for the health benefits, you might not really be doing them: What kind of real neighborliness can come from you hoping to decrease your rate of heart attacks? Real neighborliness comes from a desire to care for and connect with the things around you.
Similarly, I caught the end of some Ford Foundation ad on NPR the other day; they were talking about something to the effect of making a measurable improvement to the quality of peoples' lives. A measurable improvement to the quality of peoples' lives? I'm all about improving the quality of peoples' lives; I'm just far less interested in measuring it. Here's how they talk about it with regard to combating child marriage: "Together, we have an opportunity and obligation to make a measurable, meaningful difference in the lives of millions of girls." What in the world does "measurable" add to that sentence? I agree--it's better if children aren't married off. Do we need to measure the increase in happiness? Do we only want to improve the quality of peoples' lives in ways that can be measured? Is everything measurable, given enough time and data?
I think that these things just miss the point of happiness. For that, we probably just have to go back to Aristotle.
Similarly, I caught the end of some Ford Foundation ad on NPR the other day; they were talking about something to the effect of making a measurable improvement to the quality of peoples' lives. A measurable improvement to the quality of peoples' lives? I'm all about improving the quality of peoples' lives; I'm just far less interested in measuring it. Here's how they talk about it with regard to combating child marriage: "Together, we have an opportunity and obligation to make a measurable, meaningful difference in the lives of millions of girls." What in the world does "measurable" add to that sentence? I agree--it's better if children aren't married off. Do we need to measure the increase in happiness? Do we only want to improve the quality of peoples' lives in ways that can be measured? Is everything measurable, given enough time and data?
I think that these things just miss the point of happiness. For that, we probably just have to go back to Aristotle.
Francisco is a man of many skills. Last night I got to see it first hand when he helped me with (read: did for me) a little work design project.
Monday, August 18, 2014
A Random Assortment
~ "The Brazilian Bus Magnate Who's Buying Up All the World's Vinyl Records." This makes my compulsive scarf-buying look tame.
~ With our fancy HBO subscription, Francisco and I watched Parade's End, the BBC miniseries of the books by Ford Madox Ford (crazy name! he made it up himself). I liked it, to be perfectly honest, until the very end (despite my utter confusion at times due to the show's lack of clarity, which did not, however, make it unwatchable). I thought that, at the end of the day, Benedict Cumberbatch picked the wrong girl. Francisco was cheering Cumberbatch on. Alas, I lost.
~ Goodness: I wish I knew German to know if this translation is correct: "It doesn't look good when a woman gives orders. She should try not to get into a situation like that if she wants to remain feminine." Of course, she follows that up with "I don't know if I'm right." And "I always did what I wanted to do. I didn't worry if it was a man's job." Later:
~ I don't have much to say about Ferguson that hasn't already been said. Even the most pro-war, pro-guns people of my acquaintance are silent about Ferguson. Which is to say, there isn't much of an other side, as far as I can tell.
My experience in STL was that it was the most segregated place that I've been to in my life. There were very few parts of town with any significant racial integration. And, as far as I understand it (I've never been there), Ferguson is one of the parts of STL that is in transition--it was previously totally white and is now predominantly black, which leads to its own problems of authority that doesn't reflect the inhabitants.
The thing that came to my mind on this was a moment from The Wire--a seasoned policeman tells a very green policeman that he can't just swoop in and arrest people on his beat when there's a problem; he needs to spend time on his beat getting to know all of the kids in the community so that he has rapport with them and can find out what's really going on when there is a problem. Several episodes later we seen the green policeman doing just that--he knows all their names and what they're up to.
~ With our fancy HBO subscription, Francisco and I watched Parade's End, the BBC miniseries of the books by Ford Madox Ford (crazy name! he made it up himself). I liked it, to be perfectly honest, until the very end (despite my utter confusion at times due to the show's lack of clarity, which did not, however, make it unwatchable). I thought that, at the end of the day, Benedict Cumberbatch picked the wrong girl. Francisco was cheering Cumberbatch on. Alas, I lost.
~ Goodness: I wish I knew German to know if this translation is correct: "It doesn't look good when a woman gives orders. She should try not to get into a situation like that if she wants to remain feminine." Of course, she follows that up with "I don't know if I'm right." And "I always did what I wanted to do. I didn't worry if it was a man's job." Later:
"You ask about the effect my work has on others. If I may speak ironically, that's a masculine question. Men always want to be influential. I see that somewhat as an onlooker. ... If others understand in the same way I've understood that gives me a sense of satisfaction, like being among equals."~ This is a reminder to me to drink this cocktail next month, when I plan to return to alcohol with a vengeance (not really; don't worry) (via Hopkins).
~ I don't have much to say about Ferguson that hasn't already been said. Even the most pro-war, pro-guns people of my acquaintance are silent about Ferguson. Which is to say, there isn't much of an other side, as far as I can tell.
My experience in STL was that it was the most segregated place that I've been to in my life. There were very few parts of town with any significant racial integration. And, as far as I understand it (I've never been there), Ferguson is one of the parts of STL that is in transition--it was previously totally white and is now predominantly black, which leads to its own problems of authority that doesn't reflect the inhabitants.
The thing that came to my mind on this was a moment from The Wire--a seasoned policeman tells a very green policeman that he can't just swoop in and arrest people on his beat when there's a problem; he needs to spend time on his beat getting to know all of the kids in the community so that he has rapport with them and can find out what's really going on when there is a problem. Several episodes later we seen the green policeman doing just that--he knows all their names and what they're up to.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Boyhood
While many of Richard Linklater's films are nearly real time (or a little longer)--Dazed and Confused, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Before Midnight--Boyhood is the opposite: made over 12 years, it documents one boy's life from first grade through twelfth (although I suppose it mimics the "Before" trilogy in sticking with one cast over many years).
There's nearly universal praise in the reviews (for instance, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a nearly unheard of 99%)--I didn't like it that much (although I did enjoy it). I found it hard to identify with--I'm not a boy (and thought to myself, holy goodness, why do we have to be having a boy?!). Boys come out as pretty passive and not as well suited for the educational regime we have in place as girls (the later seems to be true, what with college admissions and all). I didn't grow up in a broken home--it was sad to see the family's countless moves and losing people in the process. I certainly wasn't emo in high school.
And there was no arc to the story--the pieces were quite disjointed (which, of course, is part of the point). I was longing for something to be more literarily circular and symmetrical in the story. And nothing was. It just ended. The funny thing is, I think that real life is more literary and symmetrical than that film (at least my life is, or perhaps that's just the narrative that I impose on it).
His mother was great--super admirable--you have to wonder how she did it. It gives you a ton of respect for single mothers. Ethan Hawke, who plays the father, was good--but he just wasn't convincing when early on he was supposed to be the deadbeat dad who walked out on them--he's too friendly and chatty and thoughtful to be deadbeat. So the maturing transition that he supposedly goes through just isn't too much of a transition. And the sister--played by Linklater's daughter--isn't great; as Cardigan observed, one would expect Mason and his sister to end up much closer than they do in the film.
As is typical of his films, it's full of great music. And I was worried--it's 2 hours and 45 minutes--but it wasn't boring at all.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Thrifting
It turns out thrifting is even better if it's with your sisters. When Stearns visited, in the midst of our cooking madness, we stopped at lots of neighborhood thrift stores.
I found this for the baby/guest room. I find it charmingly Puritan and idiosyncratic (my theory is, it was made by a young girl who didn't quite get all her letters right). (Incidentally, it is exactly the same as this one, so maybe that theory doesn't work.)
I love this enamel pitcher, which now belongs to either Stearns or me. I think it's sublime, as were these gladiolas. They made me feel like a very rich person in a very grand house. Rich people have big flowers, right?
Francisco was interested in champagne glasses, so I was excited to find these, which I can't wait to put to use to celebrate the baby.
Speaking of, I found him a little toy.
This isn't from thrifting--it's from frantic nesting, which, who knew, can include crafting. Since Baby Leopard's father likes trains, I'm assuming that he will, too.
I found this for the baby/guest room. I find it charmingly Puritan and idiosyncratic (my theory is, it was made by a young girl who didn't quite get all her letters right). (Incidentally, it is exactly the same as this one, so maybe that theory doesn't work.)
I love this enamel pitcher, which now belongs to either Stearns or me. I think it's sublime, as were these gladiolas. They made me feel like a very rich person in a very grand house. Rich people have big flowers, right?
Francisco was interested in champagne glasses, so I was excited to find these, which I can't wait to put to use to celebrate the baby.
Speaking of, I found him a little toy.
This isn't from thrifting--it's from frantic nesting, which, who knew, can include crafting. Since Baby Leopard's father likes trains, I'm assuming that he will, too.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
A Diary of Pregnancy
36 weeks:
~ Baby Leopard made it to the magic date at which he can be born at The Birth Center. As far as I'm concerned, he can come any day he wants now. Francisco told him that, no, he isn't allowed to be born for another month.
~ Ina May's Guide to Childbirth: I don't think it gets any crunchier and hippy-er than this. Ina May Gaskin is a midwife at The Farm, a commune that she helped to found in Tennessee in the 70s. I think that she was at the forefront of helping to reestablish midwifery in the contemporary U.S. Francisco calls her, "Ina May, the sexpot," because, let's just say, she is attentive to the connections between sex and labor and delivery. Her book also really emphasizes the power of positive thinking--half of it is straight up positive stories of labor and delivery, and the other half, filled with more typical birth book information, still attempts to reframe labor and delivery. She advocates tapping into your inner primate, as well as educating the rest of the person about the human body's abilities to birth a child.
~ We (mostly Francisco) installed the car seat. This may be the most adult thing we've ever done.
~ I'm all packed for the hospital now, too. It's getting real.
37 weeks:
~ Francisco is in LA for a couple of days at NK and EL's wedding. The baby is most adamantly not allowed to come now. And any Braxton-Hicks I feel while Francisco is traveling make me freak out: I immediately lay down and drink a lot of water. (On the plus side, since Francisco is gone, and Stearns is here to keep me company/hold my hand if I go into labor, we've (she's) gotten a massive amount of cooking and freezing done: 1 lasagna, 2 meatloafs, 2 things of meatballs, and 2 things of chicken and beans meant to go inside of tacos.) (On the downside, I missed NK and EL's beachside wedding in LA!)
~ Also: my 80-some-year-old, very nice neighbor just offered to drive me to the hospital if my husband doesn't make it home in time.
~ Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way: Disclaimer: All I know about the Bradley Way is what I've read in this book, and I'm not planning a Bradley birth specifically. I'm just trying to read all the books about labor and delivery, because how else would you expect me to approach it? It cracks me up that all of these different books have very specific (and often contradictory) ideas about laboring positions and breathing techniques; it makes me appreciate the birth center, whose philosophy is you should do what your body is telling you to do, but don't worry--if you're nervous, we'll suggest some techniques and positions that may help. That seems pretty sane to me. What I do like about this Bradley book is that it prepares you for the average birth, which I think is the only thing that it makes sense to prepare for (although I am stubbornly, as Francisco always points out, a worst-caser, so it's hard for me to prepare for average).
~ At Little Sisters today one nun told me that she came from a close-knit family of 8 siblings and that she wishes the same for me (a close-knit family, I'm assuming, rather than the 8 kids). After mass, the priest spontaneously came up and gave me a blessing that includes a prayer for a safe labor and a healthy baby. I love being in a place where people just bless you left and right.
~ Francisco, while watching the Sopranos: "What if our kid turns out to be a criminal? Well ... hopefully he'll be a successful one at least."
~ Baby Leopard made it to the magic date at which he can be born at The Birth Center. As far as I'm concerned, he can come any day he wants now. Francisco told him that, no, he isn't allowed to be born for another month.
~ Ina May's Guide to Childbirth: I don't think it gets any crunchier and hippy-er than this. Ina May Gaskin is a midwife at The Farm, a commune that she helped to found in Tennessee in the 70s. I think that she was at the forefront of helping to reestablish midwifery in the contemporary U.S. Francisco calls her, "Ina May, the sexpot," because, let's just say, she is attentive to the connections between sex and labor and delivery. Her book also really emphasizes the power of positive thinking--half of it is straight up positive stories of labor and delivery, and the other half, filled with more typical birth book information, still attempts to reframe labor and delivery. She advocates tapping into your inner primate, as well as educating the rest of the person about the human body's abilities to birth a child.
~ We (mostly Francisco) installed the car seat. This may be the most adult thing we've ever done.
~ I'm all packed for the hospital now, too. It's getting real.
37 weeks:
~ Francisco is in LA for a couple of days at NK and EL's wedding. The baby is most adamantly not allowed to come now. And any Braxton-Hicks I feel while Francisco is traveling make me freak out: I immediately lay down and drink a lot of water. (On the plus side, since Francisco is gone, and Stearns is here to keep me company/hold my hand if I go into labor, we've (she's) gotten a massive amount of cooking and freezing done: 1 lasagna, 2 meatloafs, 2 things of meatballs, and 2 things of chicken and beans meant to go inside of tacos.) (On the downside, I missed NK and EL's beachside wedding in LA!)
~ Also: my 80-some-year-old, very nice neighbor just offered to drive me to the hospital if my husband doesn't make it home in time.
~ Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way: Disclaimer: All I know about the Bradley Way is what I've read in this book, and I'm not planning a Bradley birth specifically. I'm just trying to read all the books about labor and delivery, because how else would you expect me to approach it? It cracks me up that all of these different books have very specific (and often contradictory) ideas about laboring positions and breathing techniques; it makes me appreciate the birth center, whose philosophy is you should do what your body is telling you to do, but don't worry--if you're nervous, we'll suggest some techniques and positions that may help. That seems pretty sane to me. What I do like about this Bradley book is that it prepares you for the average birth, which I think is the only thing that it makes sense to prepare for (although I am stubbornly, as Francisco always points out, a worst-caser, so it's hard for me to prepare for average).
~ At Little Sisters today one nun told me that she came from a close-knit family of 8 siblings and that she wishes the same for me (a close-knit family, I'm assuming, rather than the 8 kids). After mass, the priest spontaneously came up and gave me a blessing that includes a prayer for a safe labor and a healthy baby. I love being in a place where people just bless you left and right.
~ Francisco, while watching the Sopranos: "What if our kid turns out to be a criminal? Well ... hopefully he'll be a successful one at least."
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
The Chiropractor
Right up there with seeing a therapist is seeing a chiropractor, another bourgie thing I can cross off my bucket list, as my chiropractor put it (not the bourgie part).
I strong-armed my doctor into referring me to a chiropractor. My chiropractor wasn't worried as much about the upper back pain that I came in for, although she was willing to work on my slipped ribs and it seems that they are indeed pretty massively slipped; she was more interested in my somehow misaligned pelvis. She said if she worked on it, it would probably help my childbirth to go better. Well, if there's is one thing you can tell this frantically nesting pregnant woman to get her to spend money (the co-pay on my insurance is pretty substantial), it's that this will help me have a smoother labor. But the problem is, when the chiropractor adjusts my back and hips, it hurts like heck for the next few days: I already feel like an old lady when I walk two blocks to the pool as it is, I don't need extra upper and lower back aches on top of that. (And what if I go into labor right after an adjustment?! I have to deal with contractions and back pain!)
Plus, there's no two ways about it: I'm super cheap. And she wanted to see me three times a week for several weeks, before gradually cutting back. I talked her down to once a week, supplemented by massages from Francisco (best husband ever).
I'm really conflicted: if my body is out of joint, I'd like to fix it. The problem is, I'm pretty sure it's going to go right back out of joint again after she's done fixing me.
Chiropractic thoughts, dear readers?
I strong-armed my doctor into referring me to a chiropractor. My chiropractor wasn't worried as much about the upper back pain that I came in for, although she was willing to work on my slipped ribs and it seems that they are indeed pretty massively slipped; she was more interested in my somehow misaligned pelvis. She said if she worked on it, it would probably help my childbirth to go better. Well, if there's is one thing you can tell this frantically nesting pregnant woman to get her to spend money (the co-pay on my insurance is pretty substantial), it's that this will help me have a smoother labor. But the problem is, when the chiropractor adjusts my back and hips, it hurts like heck for the next few days: I already feel like an old lady when I walk two blocks to the pool as it is, I don't need extra upper and lower back aches on top of that. (And what if I go into labor right after an adjustment?! I have to deal with contractions and back pain!)
Plus, there's no two ways about it: I'm super cheap. And she wanted to see me three times a week for several weeks, before gradually cutting back. I talked her down to once a week, supplemented by massages from Francisco (best husband ever).
I'm really conflicted: if my body is out of joint, I'd like to fix it. The problem is, I'm pretty sure it's going to go right back out of joint again after she's done fixing me.
Chiropractic thoughts, dear readers?
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
A Big Storm Knocked It Over.2
All of Laurie Colwin's books are, in some way, about being a pilgrim: about not fitting into the world, about not having roots, about disconnections and the resulting anxiety. Usually there's an attraction to order and community, in the form of a town, in the form of a church (Catholicism is often in the background, and Colwin's main characters are sometimes drawn to Judaism, their own neglected tradition). The funny thing is, religion isn't so much a solution to the problem of being a pilgrim in the world as a way of embracing and living within that phenomenon. I suppose it at least provides you with other pilgrims to have a community with.
In A Big Storm Knocked It Over, nature--things like big storms and falling stars and maybe even motherhood--also points to our pilgrim condition. And yet motherhood, too, is the thing that ties us to the human community and to specific local communities more closely. I see this constantly: people want to talk about the fact that I'm expecting, and I suspect that this isn't only because it gives us something to say and the basis for small talk, but also because this is a pretty universal human interest; it's something that fundamentally unites us--life is about generation and love and care.
Something I noticed and loved this time through is Jane's colleague, Sven, who handles his pilgrim condition through lots of womanizing. He's drawn to Jane in all her stages of newly married, pregnant, and mothering. He finds them deeply attractive and "elemental." I buy this: I think, and constantly tell Francisco, that I am an attractive pregnant woman and that pregnancy itself, despite making me feel often like an old lady with loads of aches and pains, is a sort of vital, alive time.
(A Big Storm Knocked It Over.1)
Why has my fb feed been full of first-day-of-school pictures since early August? This makes me hyperventilate: it's not fall; it's still summer. (Even though I don't have a first day of school this year, for the first time in, I guess, 25 years. But I do have something approaching that's even more all-consuming, if that's the sort of word that can be used comparatively.) Anyway, am I going to have to send my son to school in early August? I guess by that time, I might be dying to do that.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
A Random Assortment
~ I've been pulled over for speeding in VA and it wasn't pretty (I super luckily got off due to the officer not showing up at court). Anyway, "Never Speed in Virginia."
~ An "extreme hybrid" with 40 kinds of fruit.
~ I'm all for the free market when it comes to medicine. Heck, I think you should be able to diagnose and treat yourself if you feel like it. I'm so fed up with insurance ridiculousness.
~ Oh my. I love baby boards--the one at the birth center where I'm hoping to give birth lends it such a friendly, family feel. Of course it would be illegal:
Even if a parent sends in the photo, it is considered private unless the parent also sends written authorization for its posting, which almost no one does.
...
Downtown Women OB/GYN Associates, in SoHo, took down its baby wall several years ago. But staff members were flummoxed when a patient posted a picture of her baby on the office Facebook page. Was that O.K.?
“I think we ultimately did take it down,” Alex Dettmer, the practice manager, said. “One of our compliance companies said, you might as well play it safe."
Monday, August 4, 2014
Failures in Housewifery
I made smitten kitchen's caramel pudding from scratch last week. I love caramel, but it turns out I don't like caramel pudding. Plus, my rendition was probably not the best ever--it was sort of grainy with some bigger chunks of who knows what floating around. It was awful--and the color! and the wateriness! Anyway, I ended up throwing away half of it this morning, after checking with Francisco to make sure he didn't want it, either.
Trying to be complimentary, he replied that he didn't really want anymore, but that he did like the vanilla pudding that I made last week. Me: "You mean the box that I bought and poured into two cups of milk and whisked for 2 minutes before refrigerating?" Him: "Yes, I liked that."
Trying to be complimentary, he replied that he didn't really want anymore, but that he did like the vanilla pudding that I made last week. Me: "You mean the box that I bought and poured into two cups of milk and whisked for 2 minutes before refrigerating?" Him: "Yes, I liked that."
Sunday, August 3, 2014
A Random Assortment
~ On non-disabled actors playing disabled characters.
~ On Sweden's generous maternity/paternity leave policies.
~ An order that accepts women with Down syndrome (via Hopkins).
~ PAL on Tocqueville, Pascal, and poetry.
~ I've never read Virginia Woolf, but this exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery looks great.
~ A lovely picture.
~ On Sweden's generous maternity/paternity leave policies.
~ An order that accepts women with Down syndrome (via Hopkins).
~ PAL on Tocqueville, Pascal, and poetry.
~ I've never read Virginia Woolf, but this exhibit at the National Portrait Gallery looks great.
~ A lovely picture.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Quote
"I am not a trainspotter; I am a railway enthusiast." --Colin Firth, The Railway Man
This reminds me of my own Colin Firth who constantly reproaches me for telling people that he "likes trains." Instead, I'm supposed to say that he "likes traveling via passenger rail."
This reminds me of my own Colin Firth who constantly reproaches me for telling people that he "likes trains." Instead, I'm supposed to say that he "likes traveling via passenger rail."
Goodbye Without Leaving.2
Ah, Laurie Colwin, you are my best friend through big life changes, motherhood not excepting.
Geraldine's slightly detached, sarcastic approach to finding her vocation and to pregnancy and motherhood are just what the doctor ordered. It isn't exactly my approach (I'm sadly probably more like Geraldine's intensely anxious husband), but that's all the more reason that I find it delightful.
My favorite parts of the book:
"One afternoon I felt myself the victim of a woodpecker drilling for bugs in my pelvic bones. I reached for one of Johnny's birth books, which I consulted to see what my developing fetus looked like. It now looked like an actual baby, only small. A drilling sensation, it said, is usually the fetus having hiccoughs." (Colwin is exactly right: baby hiccups feel like a woodpecker drilling for bugs in my pelvic bones.)
When she kisses a European, as part of her attraction to Judaism and Catholicism and order: "I was sort of a blank slate and Leo was a school. I needed the experience of him. He would kiss me and I would turn into Hannah Arendt. I would definitely be a better person for it." (That may be precisely why I love Laurie Colwin: "He would kiss me and I would turn into Hannah Arendt" may be the best line ever.)
Goodbye Without Leaving previously here.
Friday, August 1, 2014
A Diary of Pregnancy
35 weeks:
~ I'm convinced that Baby Leopard is going to arrive early, mostly because my maternity leave pay is less good if he arrives more than a week early. But also, the midwife thinks he's moving down a bit, which might be why my belly didn't measure any bigger at the last appointment. All I have to say is this baby better not arrive during NK's wedding, when Francisco is in LA! Because as much as I appreciate Stearns and my mother offering to be with me, I'm not sure it would work as well.
~ We took a tour yesterday of the hospital that we'll be transferred to in the case that I need medical interventions in the birth. The very nice nurse who led the tour asked if I was using a particular birthing method or if I was just "winging it." That made me laugh really hard--yes, we're just winging it. (After 15 hours of classes, reading endless birth books, and practicing various relaxation methods, we're just going to wing it.)
~ Speaking of practicing various relaxation methods, here's a line from a relaxation script I just made Francisco read me: "Feel the deep relaxation of the left leg, from hip joint to the foot. Give your leg to the caress of gravity. Tell both legs: 'I love you. I honor you.'" I draw the line at telling my legs that I love them. Also spirit guides. I draw the line at those, too.
~ Guys: Round ligament pain is no joke.
~ We don't exactly have a nursery, just a nursery/guest bedroom. But I'm trying to make it baby-ready. I love these cards because they remind me of all the people who care for me and my son. And I can't wait to wrap him up in homemade blankets.
~ Francisco is obsessed with the baby, and he isn't even born. He loves talking to my stomach and then feeling the baby kick in response. I admit: I get a little jealous when he calls the baby, "Cutie," or anything that he also calls me.
~ I'm nesting real hard. Poor Francisco couldn't figure out why I needed to go to Target. Not only did I need to go to Target, but I needed to buy most of the store. We're talking back-up toilet paper and tissues and toothpaste and floss and shampoo and soap. Anything I could conceivably run out of in the next three months during which I intend to stay locked up cozily in the house with the baby.
Also, sadly, my nesting does not extend to me preparing and freezing healthy meals for our family, as it does for many women. Rather, I anxiously bought all of the unhealthy canned and boxed foods that I could imagine myself eating while I'm laid up with the kid--things like Chef Boyardee ravioli, an old favorite of mine, all the way to boxed macaroni and cheese, something I've eaten approximately twice in my life. It's like I'm preparing for the apocalypse or something.
~ I am an Amazon Mom. This is a disturbing change in life status. (Also: it states clearly that fathers can join, too, so why isn't this called Amazon Parent?)
~ Guys: Round ligament pain is no joke.
~ We don't exactly have a nursery, just a nursery/guest bedroom. But I'm trying to make it baby-ready. I love these cards because they remind me of all the people who care for me and my son. And I can't wait to wrap him up in homemade blankets.
~ Francisco is obsessed with the baby, and he isn't even born. He loves talking to my stomach and then feeling the baby kick in response. I admit: I get a little jealous when he calls the baby, "Cutie," or anything that he also calls me.
~ I'm nesting real hard. Poor Francisco couldn't figure out why I needed to go to Target. Not only did I need to go to Target, but I needed to buy most of the store. We're talking back-up toilet paper and tissues and toothpaste and floss and shampoo and soap. Anything I could conceivably run out of in the next three months during which I intend to stay locked up cozily in the house with the baby.
Also, sadly, my nesting does not extend to me preparing and freezing healthy meals for our family, as it does for many women. Rather, I anxiously bought all of the unhealthy canned and boxed foods that I could imagine myself eating while I'm laid up with the kid--things like Chef Boyardee ravioli, an old favorite of mine, all the way to boxed macaroni and cheese, something I've eaten approximately twice in my life. It's like I'm preparing for the apocalypse or something.
~ I am an Amazon Mom. This is a disturbing change in life status. (Also: it states clearly that fathers can join, too, so why isn't this called Amazon Parent?)
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